Help For Women
Help For Wives Who Have Been Hurt by Their Husbands Use of Pornography, Sexually Acting Out or Sexual Addiction
When a wife discovers her husbands use of pornography, sexually acting out or sexual addiction, her life as she knows it is forever changed. This discovery can be extremely painful and traumatic. Sexual sin destroys trust and diminishes a wife’s self esteem.
If this is you, we hope and pray that the following information will help you begin the healing and recovery process. You need to know that you are not alone. There are literally thousands of wives who have been hurt by their husband’s sexual sin.
Initially you may blame yourself, “If I had only made myself more available to him sexually” or “If only I were prettier.” One hundred percent of the blame for your husband’s decision to view pornography and sexually act out rests on his shoulders not yours. For most men the behavior of viewing pornography and sexually acting out began long before they ever met their wife. I know that for me personally this behavior began in my teen years and continued into adulthood. My wife was not to blame for my addiction to internet pornography. (Click here to read my testimony)
Understanding the emotional rollercoaster caused by your husbands betrayal
When you first discover that your husband is viewing pornography and sexually acting out, your emotions can include state of shock, anger, deep hurt and despair. These emotions are normal. Don’t suppress them as they are part of the healing process. Don’t expect these feelings to go away in a week. It may take months or perhaps years to heal from your husband’s betrayal and for you come to the place where you are able to forgive and fully trust him again.
Following are a few steps that we consider to be helpful in the healing process.
We encourage you to visit our resource page for resources that we believe will be helpful to both you and your husband as you work toward the healing and restoration of your marriage.
- Find at least one Christian woman whom you can confide in and express your pain and emotions. The worst thing that you can do is suppress your feelings. Find a woman who will support, comfort and pray for you. Make sure that you meet on a regular basis, preferably weekly.
- Determine whether your husband desires to change. Is he willing to do what ever it takes to break free from pornography and/or sexual addiction? If your husband is serious about breaking free from his addiction his actions will speak louder than his words. In addition to expressing remorse he will seek out the accountability of another man and we recommend he install accountability software such as Covenant Eyes or Safe Eyes on all computers that he has access to. This software will monitor and log all internet activity and send a report via email and text to accountability partners selected by the user. We also recommend that he sign up for a confidential online workshop offered by X-3 Pure. Some men may need to seek out professional Christian counseling to overcome their pornography use and/or sexual addiction. It is your right to demand that your husband chooses between you and pornography. Don’t make the mistake of not asking your husband how he is doing with the temptation to view pornography and sexually act out. If you remain silent, you may only be enabling your husband’s addictive behavior. As an alternative to the X-3 Pure online workshop, your husband may want to consider The Way of Purity – Breaking the Addiction to Pornography. This is a FREE online course offered by Setting Captives Free.
- Your support of your husband will be a huge asset in his battle to be free from the grip of pornography. When your husband starts down the road to recovery, don’t expect an overnight recovery. Most men who struggle with pornography or sexual addiction have spent years in this addictive behavior and gaining freedom from it could be a long process. If your husband desires freedom and is working hard at it, stick with him. Pray with him and pray for him often.
- We at Unshackled Ministries recommend that you sign up for a confidential online workshop offered by X-3 Pure. This is the same workshop that we recommend to men. It will help you better understand male sexual temptation and triggers, the addiction cycle, the recovery process, and what your husband may be dealing with. As an alternative to the X-3 Pure online workshop you may want to consider The Way of Purity online course. This is the same FREE online course that we recommend to men.
- In time your ultimate goal will be to forgive your husband. Withholding forgiveness will keep you trapped in a life of bitterness and pain.